DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend wants to have sex with other men while I watch, before she’ll go back to sleeping with me like normal.

I’m 27 and she’s 25. I’m a computer technician for an insurance company and she is an accountant.

My girlfriend wants to have sex with another man…and she wants me to watch

We’ve been a couple for two years and moved in together eight months ago. I thought our sex life would take off when we had our own place but it fell off a cliff.

I can’t remember the last time we got passionate. My girlfriend just seemed to go off sex totally.

She’ll get in from work, put her pyjamas on and go to bed pretty early. I get the feeling she’s avoiding me.

I do try asking her for sex and she’s always turning me down, although, if she’s in a good mood, she’ll give me hand relief.


Ever since we moved in together our sex life died and when I brought it up she said she’d had fantasies about other guys[/caption]

One night we went out with a few friends and as usual I asked her for sex when we got back.

She said no but commented that she’d always fantasised about having sex with other men, with me watching. I was shocked as she’d never been very adventurous in the past.

After another month with no sex I went to an escort girl to get my fix. I felt guilty but it wasn’t my fault my girlfriend wasn’t up for it.

I asked her again whether she had meant what she had said about her fantasy.

I never told her I was so sex-starved I hired an escort, but this feels different

She replied: “It’s not a fantasy. I’m serious.” Then she added: “Once I’ve done it, I’ll have sex with you again.”

I don’t know whether to allow it to see if she sticks to her word. Should I approach a couple of my mates who she’s said are good looking?

I don’t think it’s fair she should expect to have sex with other ­people, though.

I know I’ve been to escorts but that’s different — she doesn’t know about it.


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DEIDRE SAYS: Neither of you is being fair. She hasn’t told you what the problem is with your sex life and, rather than tackling the issue, you run off with your tail between your legs into the bed of an escort.

There are couples who enjoy swinging but I get messages from people where the whole thing has gone ­catastrophically wrong and they soon go their separate ways.


You’re clearly not enamoured of the idea so please don’t go along with this charade. Emotions often get involved and you have got a right to say no.

Ask your girlfriend to explain why she doesn’t want sex with you. If she thinks another guy would have a better technique, then she has to tell you what you can do to turn her on.

My e-leaflet How To Thrill A Woman In Bed will give you some ideas and help to keep her focus on you. And since you have strayed you’d ­better get a sexual-health check first.

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